Today, a friend at work (my birthday twin–date, not year) wished me a happy last-day-of-my-forties. I’d never thought of it that way before, but the first thing that came to mind was “Good! Get me the fuck out of my forties!” thinking of it, of course, as the decade where I lost Ken. But upon further reflection, it’s a decade full of as many highs as lows—-more, even.
Of course, Ken is foremost on my mind when I think about my forties. It started with him–literally waking up with him–and, in fact, a blowout party he threw for me, bursting with friends, love, and surprises. I’ll never forget how my three long-distance friends surprised me—one-by-one thanks to Ken’s subterfuge. Seeing Mindy, Alan and Retta blew me away. I’d had no idea of the plotting that had been going on behind my unsuspecting back. And if that weren’t enough, Ken had tasked my ridiculously creative friends with writing the scene of how they met me…then they had to act it out! Whoever wrote the scene played me and Ken played them. I have the whole thing on DVD! It’s like digital comfort food for me.
Again, involving Ken, I got married in my 40s–something I never believed I’d be able to do. Before it was the law of the land, Ken and I and a few friends went to Iowa to get married in 2009. It was more a political statement than anything else because Ken and I were always married. From the moment we met in 2001.
I bought my first home in my 40s, a timber loft I’m crazy about in a neighborhood I love, tucked tidily away on the north side of Chicago. It’s been the backdrop of countless reunions, gatherings and parties with family and friends. Since fencing my patio, it’s been a place Kallie loves to spend time—any time of year. (Though winter is clearly preferred for the squirming snow beast.) Aside from the location, I’ve discovered the inherent joy in having neighbors I love, rotating condos for our “wine nights” and other various celebrations. Good neighbors are a coveted commodity, and I’m so grateful for mine.
Two years ago, I decided to shake things up at work. I wanted to find a new role that challenged and excited me. And after some focused hard work and a new career counselor, I found a role that intersected with my passion for writing. I get to use my creative voice and digital worker skills to help people at work understand how to use the collaboration tools that keep us connected. I’m excited about my future at work, and grateful for the amazing people I work with! I can’t wait to see what comes next in my career. I was promoted twice last year, and I’m not done!
And though it was to celebrate my 50th birthday, I took my first big trip out of the country to Costa Rica with my best friend from college, exploring the rainforests near the Caribbean and hiking a volcano in the center of such a beautiful country. I was so fascinated by the facts our tour guides spouted, I took notes! I busted out my college Spanish like a boss and surprised my friend and myself. It’s always good to return home, but soon it will be time to figure out what country will stamp my passport next.
I think of all the lessons I learned in my 40s, this decade showed me the kind of man I am. Though certainly not without my foibles and flaws, I came into my own in ways I could have never imagined. Through great pain and loss, I emerged a bit of a different person—a strong one who doesn’t suffer fools gladly and someone who spends much of his time living in gratitude, not regret or bitterness or anger. Life is too short for that. Another lesson my 40s unapologetically taught me.
I’ve always loved the lyric from the Semisonic song “Closing Time” that goes “Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end.” It explains life in an Escher-like puzzle that somehow makes sense to me. So, as much as this is the end of my 40s–undoubtedly the most important decade for me to date, it’s the beginning of a new, unexplored part of my life. I enter my 50s with a lot less naïveté and a lot more flexibility to role with the punches, take some chances and see where it takes me.
And I can’t wait.