The title of my upcoming book is “The Luck We Carry: Love, Loss, and the Stories that Shape Us.”

The title comes from an essay I wrote last year about an experience that really touched me and solidified the idea for this book. At the library book sale where I volunteer, I helped a woman out to her car with her bags of books. Along the way, she wondered aloud why so many people seemed to have such an easy life—particularly, health-wise. But she wasn’t complaining. As a survivor of cancer and a heart attack while living with diabetes, she was making an observation with no hint of self-pity. Almost like she was a social scientist sharing her objective notes.

As I thought about it and began writing the essay, I realized there was something about her that reminded me of Ken. He was a three-time cancer survivor by the time we met in 2001. He never complained. Though he was an amputee, he had no patience for self-pity or pity of any kind. He was a bright light…and still is.

I also thought about just the idea of luck. How we hope to find it or hope it happens to us. But this woman—and certainly the memories of Ken—reminded me that luck isn’t something we always have to look for. Luck can be a state of mind. It can be something that is within us. It can be something we keep with us. And, I’ve come to the realization in the years since Ken died that grief is inevitable if you’re lucky. And I was the luckiest of them all. Having love in your life is a game-changing gift. It certainly changed the fabric of who I am for the better.

I’m so excited to release the book in the March timeframe. My greatest hope is that it might help someone struggling with grief or loss, and remind them they’re not alone; that life continues and that it’s possible to have a relationship with the person who has died. Though grieving has its cryptic rules, we get to find a place to keep the love–because it’s immutable. And maybe because we get to make up some of the rules ourselves.

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