I wasn’t completely surprised that the orange felon won the election. This country is blatantly infected with ignorant and barely-masked racism and misogyny (even by women voting against their own best interests) in favor of some perceived self-interest, whether financial or something else conjured and inflated by Right Wing media, it was always a possibility. For whatever reason, demagoguery and grievances of our teetering democracy resonated with you. You live in imagined fear. Now, so many of us have to live in the real thing.

The irony of hearing you claim to love me—a member of the LGBTQ+ community—and being surprised that I’m reevaluating my relationship with you is like being shocked when a gun you’re pointing at me discharges a bullet that pierces my flesh—after you pulled the trigger. Maybe you can find love in that, but I can’t. You don’t get to be surprised or hurt or angry. All the facts were out there. It’s what you chose to do when you voted for someone who will help facilitate the draconian measures of Project 2025 and dismantle governmental guardrails that have been in place since the founding, and damning your daughters’ and granddaughters’ reproductive health for decades. My basic human rights will be put in jeopardy—along with women, people of color, and all non-straight white men. I’m not sure there is a more devastating duplicity than that by people who claim to love you in a country so historically strengthened by our differences.

You exercised your freedom, making my world smaller. You made a choice, and the consequence is we have a felon in the White House. You got exactly what you wanted. You won—something I know you’re gleeful about. However, there are other consequences, too. I get to devote my time and love to people who cherish other people’s freedoms as much as their own. That’s a choice I get to make. If this offends you, you can unsubscribe, block, delete, etc. I’m prepared to live with the consequences of my choices.

We forgave you in 2016 despite incredible misgivings, hoping it wouldn’t be as bad as we thought. It was worse, leading to an attempted coup where insurrectionists injured and murdered police officers at the behest of your felonious president-elect. This time, everyone knew better. You knew better. Somehow, it didn’t matter to you.

Grieving takes time. The disappointment is jarring. Reconciling someone saying they love you while supporting the kind of person who regards fallen soldiers as “suckers” and “losers,” who mocks disabled people, and has no respect for women or democracy feels impossible. Maybe it is. For me, anyway. You have to give us time to live in our grief for your betrayal. It’s painful, profoundly disappointing, and it feels bottomless.

Just as I’m certain your decision will change our country negatively, you must accept that it has also done the same to our relationship.