It’s been a busy week. Ken has been on my mind a lot.

Last weekend my brother-in-law Craig (Ken’s brother) and nephew were in town for a hockey tournament. My nephew Nate is one of the sweetest kids I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing (and loving). And he is a badass goalie on the ice. I eagerly trekked to and from the dreaded suburbs for his games to watch him play, and cheer him on with his dad. I couldn’t help but think of Ken and how proud he’d be of Nate and how much he’d enjoy spending time with both of them. And admittedly, when I actually stopped to think about it (which I don’t do often) it feels strange to spend time with his family on my own without the possibility of him joining us at some point. Regardless, I enjoyed my time with them and was happy I got see them on multiple occasions and, of course, support Nate!

[My brother-in-law Craig and I, rink-side]


[A skilled goalie and a proud uncle.]


[A future goalie and a whipped uncle in 2006.]

After two plus weeks of “heat,” it was finally time to take Kallie in for her “lady surgery.” We’d tried it a few weeks ago, but she had a fever at the time, so it was put off. Her cycle began exactly on her sixth month birthday which put off the surgery even further and immediately required her to wear diapers day after day. I have to say she wore them like a champ.

So, on Monday morning I dropped Kallie off at my beloved vet office for her surgery on my way to work. As soon as I left the building I quelled a griefburst with some quick intellectualizing and a previously ingested xanax. As I sat in the car I understood I wasn’t upset for Kallie. Of course I was concerned about her but had full confidence in my vet to perform this routine surgery that will leave her as able as it found her. It was more like an echo–an emotional stain–from all the times Ken was wheeled away for testing or radiation or surgery. Some very loud music and traffic on Lake Shore Drive easily distracted me and sucked me into the rest of my day. I picked her up later in the day, thrilled–though not completely surprised–she was acting pretty much the same way she was when I dropped her off.

As I’ve mentioned before my vet was the same vet who Ken took our Chow Quantum to. Dr. Marks is effervescent and kind of glamorous. She remembered me immediately and was thrilled to see I’d gotten another Chow–and one that she deemed after her first exam as “perfect.” She reminded me that Ken had given her a photo of Quantum (who was a favorite patient of hers) that she still has. She told me all the compliments Kallie received all day before and after her surgery. Not just how beautiful she is, but how easy to work with she is and how gentle she is. For me, our interactions are never just the two of us (and Kallie, of course). Ken is always in the little examination room he and I were in together so many times. It proved challenging and emotional the first few times, but has gotten easier as I attempt to step out of the past and into the present of a single pet parent.

[Kallie, fashionable in diapers.]


[Photo of Quantum I snapped in 2004 in Malibu. Ken loved it, and it still hangs in my kitchen.]

And tonight as I sit at home in front of the television, anticipating the outcome of our presidential election, my mind drifts back to four years ago when Ken and I were watching 2008’s historic election night when our hometown favorite became the first African American president in history. The electricity in the city was palpable. We were entering a new era and we were in the epicenter of it. Martinis were poured and we celebrated the entire experience.

It’s definitely a quieter election night in my house tonight, though no less historic. Another new era continues to reveal itself.

[Ken making pancakes with Nate and his brother Jack in 2003.]