I’m settling back into my work schedule pretty well. When I returned to the office, last week I was greeted with a lot of smiles, warmth, and a butt load of jealous co-workers. In as much as I enjoyed every single minute of my leave of absence, the minute I pulled into the parking structure on that first morning, it sort of felt like I’d never left. Comforting and dismaying at once.

That first morning was a bit of a scramble, as it was the first time of dropping Kallie of at “school” then heading to work, taking a new (pretty ugly) route on the expressway rather than my old (and preferred) Lake Shore Drive route. But we managed it with very little stress. Unlike me, she is a social creature and craves interaction with others. I hope she can teach me a thing or two in that area.

At the end of the day, I packed up my bag and headed back to the parking structure. As I did, I couldn’t help but think of when I returned to work last year and how well I thought the first day went. But as I headed to the parking structure then, I was overcome with sadness and grief at the thought of returning to a home with no Ken. The memory stood in stark contrast to how I felt as I left at the end of my first day back this time around. I was all smiles and full of excitement and anticipation as I drove to day care to pick up a certain joyful fur ball.

It was satisfying to feel the difference between the two experiences. It’s like climbing a mountain and looking back with some nostalgia at the path you’ve taken, and being so grateful you are where you are and not “back there.” But the fact is, you worked really hard to climb from there to here, and you can feel it in your fatigued muscles.

Returning to work definitely feels like another very important step in realizing my new normal. Of course, Kallie plays a very important part in that, as well.

[Gratuitous puppy pic.]