***Spoiler Alert** if you haven’t watched this week’s episode of “Glee” yet.

Fox’s hit teen singing dramedy “Glee” has long been a guilty pleasure of mine. Not just because I think it has the largest “per capita” gay characters of any television show since “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy,” but the story lines of uber gay Kurt Hummel (played masterfully by Chris Colfer) have run the gamut from horrendous bullying to falling in love have. And they’ve hit very close to home for. At first Kurt annoyed me because he is so in-your-face gay that you’d expect nothing less than for him to get beaten up daily. Why would he put himself through that? Then I heard myself say, “why can’t you just be normal?” which horrified me. He is being normal. He’s being himself. And that’s all we can do. It’s that same unwavering confidence to be himself that makes me love and admire him. That kind of singular determination to be true to yourself is difficult–especially when it involves growing up in a small Midwestern town, but it can happen. Wait a minute…sounds kind of familiar.

Watching fashion-forward Kurt getting bullied brought back many gritty bullying memories for me. Some of those days in high school for were dark enough–and my powder blue Pacer Wagon catching fire in the school parking lot and causing a two alarm fire didn’t help. “Flamer” references, anyone? And c’mon, Powder Blue Pacer? Hello? Tonight t was the character of closeted Dave Karowsky (previously Kurt’s most punishing bully who has only recently figured out that he too is gay…and had feelings for Kurt, to boot) who couldn’t suffer the humiliation and teasing he was on the receiving end of because his classmates found out he was gay. Dave decided to (unsuccessfully) kill himself; dressed in his best suit to make less work for his parents, he planned to hang himself in his closet. The scene was written and acted superbly, and took me back to those moments of isolated and quiet desperation when you saw no light at the end of the tunnel. Seeing no end–no change–in sight and feeling trapped in a reality that is some kind of bizarro world designed solely to torture and humiliate you is some bad mojo to contend with at any age–let alone as an adolescent. Fortunately, I never had days that dark. If I ever considered ending it, it was only for a millisecond before it was discarded immediately (besides, “The Dukes of Hazzard” would be starting soon away). I think it was part of the same selfishness I posted about previously and that felt in my core as I faced Ken’s imminent death. This “strength” would never have allowed me to give up. There was more out there yet for me to see and experience.

I wish I’d had the courage to be more like Kurt back then. Although there weren’t such things as Gay/Straight Alliances and the topic of “gay” seemed an invisible one regardless of how blatant the bully situation may have been. Most bizarre of all, it was from these bullying situations where my humor began to emerge. A self-defense tactic. Making a tense situation funny was compelling to me. I couldn’t help it. I remember thinking how ridiculous it all was. So “John Hughes.” But my neophyte jokes worked in defusing these situations more times than not.

A gift from the most unlikely giver.

You go, Kurt! Thank you!