#toRONto

Am I gonna throw up? I wondered. How much extra will that cost? I thought. And that was just on the cab ride to O’hare to begin my first solo trip to someplace I’d never been before. And it wasn’t the last time those two thoughts occurred to me. I’m not much of a traveler….

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The Rule of Three

One day in sixth grade, my classmate Dusty asked, “Ronnie, do you know what the strongest geometric shape is?” Though out of the blue, he seemed pretty confident about this topic–and the answer. I had no idea what he was talking about. I hated geometry and preferred spending time in my head thinking about important…

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Dear Universe #2

Dear Universe, It’s been a while since my last letter. I was thinking about you the other day; trying to understand the mixed-bag-that-is-you as I sometimes attempt to do. You’re so unpredictable and formidable, and sometimes so cruel. Being kind-of-a-bitch is your thing. I get it, though I must admit I struggle with accepting you as you…

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Awkweird Dating Tales

One of the cruelest ironies of dating is that you really can’t talk about the politics of dating with a person you’re on a date with—yet he is the one person who (theoretically) understands most closely what you’re feeling in that moment. But, ultimately, it would be like sharing your cards or detailing your “tells”…

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So, I went to the DMV the other day…

“I think it’s a little strange she doesn’t have an ID,” I said as I passed the tenured, buffoonish security guard about the nurse pushing an elderly woman at the Secretary of State (DMV) office downtown the other day. The “nurse’s” eyes burned into me and he waved his hands dismissively as I passed. She…

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The Graduate

When I met my nephew Jack he was 5, the older of Ken’s two nephews via his brother and sister-in-law. This past weekend he graduated from high school–an emotional event on its own. But packed an added punch knowing Ken wasn’t watching next to me, beaming as I know he would have been. I’d prepared as I much…

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The Dating Chronicles #131

He kept itching his nose–under his left nostril–intermittently until he tilted his head back so I could practically see up and into his brain. “Is it bleeding?” he asked. “What? Your Cerebellum?” I thought. But “no” is what I actually said. Nothing I could see was bleeding. At my breakfast. Where I was eating food….

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Movies and Rentals and Bears, Oh My.

My ticket to living in Chicago was Blockbuster Video. I’d always dreamed of living here, and when I found myself working at a franchise in my college town after graduating (and having no real idea what I wanted to be when I grew up), I asked the owners if they knew of any openings in…

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To All the Loud Girls

In the fourth grade our teacher, Mrs. Fisher–with her flaming orange hair and clown red lipstick applied liberally outside the lines of her lips would say things like “whatever rattles your cage” and warned a dim classmate to stop pulling out his own hair otherwise he’d be “bald as a billiard ball.” (Like any of…

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Fast and Slow…at the same time

I was minding my own business, singing my lungs out along with Pandora on the way home from dropping off my friend Mindy at O’Hare when I saw the oncoming Nissan SUV swerve into my lane, clipping the back of the Jeep in front of me. “Certainly, she’ll correct her trajectory since she has already…

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