The Writing is on the Wall

I really enjoyed writing last week’s blog. And it came at just the right time. I began the new year with a grand cleaning and organizing project around the apartment. I’d gone through every room, touched practically everything and pulled out and donated miscellaneous and sundry things. After I’d finished up I sat down in…

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If You Build It, They Will Come (like it or not)

I grew up in the church–or rather I grew up in a church. No, my parents weren’t a pair evangelical ministers–they were a pair of…other “colorful” nicknames throughout the years. I grew up in a church because my dad stumbled upon one for sale in rural town he’d driven through on his travels working for…

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Writing and Rambling

I have always loved the idea of sitting at a coffee shop and clicking away on the keys of my Mac to some stunningly witty piece I was working on, but in truth sitting alone has never held much fascination for me. Alone at home is one thing. Alone in public has always been quite…

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Some Assembly Required

Last year after Ken had surgery and was recovering from 12 weeks of chemo, we were optimistic about the future. So much so, I decided to write a book, documenting everything he and I had gone through. As a chronic journaler who keeps a detailed calendar and diary, I had plenty to draw upon. I…

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My $2k T-Shirt

Every so often I stumble across a neatly folded red t-shirt tucked way back in my closet when I’m organizing or looking for something. I’m always compelled to unfurl it, unfailingly get lost in memories. It’s my two-thousand-dollar t-shirt. I’ve never worn it. I’m not even sure I’ve ever washed it, but I have considered…

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Ojai, How Are Ya?

Like most small town kids, I had a 25″ console television in my bedroom when I was growing up. I was a shy, introvert who spent hours alone, entertaining myself. But no matter what I was doing, the boob tube was on, beckoning me into one zany adventure after another. I made many friends in…

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Finding a New "Normal"

Today felt like the beginning…of something. With Ken’s Memorial Soiree a jumble of fond memories and feelings, today the remnants of my out-of-state family left to return to their lives in California. There was nothing standing between me and my future. It was a good day overall. Cleaning, laundry and prepping for heading back to…

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Building and Stumbling

I returned to work yesterday. It was a daunting feat, but a necessary one. I’d submerged myself in alone-time last week to ensure I could feel the full gamut of emotions I needed to feel. I gave them their due. I kept busy but allowed myself moments/hours to feel what I felt. But by Sunday…

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Step by Step

A friend recently likened dealing with kenan’s terminal cancer diagnosis to a staircase. Each change in his condition defines the “new normal”. But before this new normal is accepted there is shock, denial, pain, and then acceptance until the next “step” comes and the process is repeated. I thought it was simple and brilliant. It…

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Blog Day Afternoon

(Ken booked ended by my folks on the left, and his folks on the right.) It’s a funny thing to be gay and fall in love in one’s early thirties. Your personality is pretty much fully “baked”. You know who you are for the most part, and have an established group of friends. This was…

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