5 Years of “The Xanax Diary”

It seems like I’ve always had this blog; that it has always been here to engage me and calm me and focus me and distract me. But I haven’t. I’ve always written for those reasons, but it wasn’t until 2010 when I started doing so in this blog. To think about it now, my life is…

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The Club No One Wants to Belong To

I’m lucky in that I only go downtown to work in my company’s office once or twice a week—or sometimes not at all. I’ve worked from home for the better portion of the last ten years. (I can’t really imagine working any other way!) Though I sometimes bluster about going into the office, it is…

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On Ken's 50th Birthday

I’ve felt the pull of this day for a couple of weeks. Uneasiness and my social impotence returned, leaving me tired and usually in the desire of no one’s company. For someone as far down the path of grief as I consider myself, I’m more than a little surprised when I find an impending Ken-related milestone still…

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Pondering on What Comes Next

Friendships can begin in the unlikeliest of places, perhaps as a reminder that good things can happen even in the darkest of circumstances. I’ve written before about meeting author Claire Bidwell Smith before the success of her first book, a memoir of grief about losing both her parents before she was twenty-five. She was Ken‘s and my grief…

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A Case of the Birthdays

Yesterday was my birthday. And I woke up to—and enjoyed-all kinds of well wishes all morning. But like most milestones Ken was on my mind. Not in a sad way. Just in the way I carry him with me way. Of course, it’s impossible not to remember his fondness for ensuring I had a special day from the moment my head lifted…

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Dear Ken

My love, June 1, 2015 means it’s been four years since you left this world. No matter how much time passes, it doesn’t really make sense to me. Our life together is so vivid and textured, it only seems like a blink of an eye since we met, let alone fell in love and lived…

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Grateful

I didn’t dread today. And that didn’t surprise me. It didn’t take me by surprise. And that didn’t surprise me either. I feel something very special. Ethereal. When I look at the date March 23. No matter what font it might be written in, it explodes In my mind’s eye with color, depth, texture, and…

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About a Blizzard…or Two

The Northeast has been brutalized by snow since the start of winter. Last weekend, it was our turn in the Midwest. It snowed here in Chicago, leaving us with an average of about 20 inches of wet, drifting snow. To be honest, I was kind of looking forward to it…since it was really our first of the…

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A Spot of Tea

When I’m feeling a little under the weather, I drink hot tea. I don’t really like it under any other circumstances. I remember my mom drinking a lot of it when I was growing up. And still does. For me, back then it was mostly a warm, dark vehicle for tons of white table sugar….

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